


drape me in your warmth

by yutamatic



Series: color me blue [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst?, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, M/M, i just wanted to write sad nana, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 03:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19898950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutamatic/pseuds/yutamatic
Summary: Jaemin hates being cold.





	drape me in your warmth

**Author's Note:**

> tw for eating disorders

Jaemin’s cold.

No matter how many layers he wears or the amount of blankets he wraps around himself, he’s still shivering.

And it being the start of winter doesn’t help.

He’s curled up in his bed, knees tucked under his chin. The annoying sound of the heater is already blaring through the apartment. 

A huge hoodie and loose sweatpants aren’t enough. Three fluffy blankets aren’t enough. 

Jaemin clenches his teeth. He wiggles one arm out from under the blankets and grabs his phone to check the time. 

2:23am.

He places his phone back onto his nightstand. He lays his arm down on the mattress, it’s starting to ache. 

Though it’s a simple reach that didn’t last long, it hurts. He’s so weak now. 

Jaemin buries his face into the pillow, the fabric of the sheets add some extra warmth. 

He hates being cold.

But not as much as he hates the voice in his head that’s constantly screaming at him. 

Jaemin falls asleep around 4am.

—

The afternoon sunlight seeps into the blinds when Jaemin’s eyes flutter open. He’s freezing, his frail frame is trembling.

He’s still alive. 

The doctors have told him countless of times that if he continues this, one day he won’t wake up. 

Jaemin doesn’t want to die. But life’s such a drag.

Everyday has become an impossible task. It takes so much effort to do simple things, like brushing his teeth and putting on clothes.

It even hurts to walk. 

But Jaemin thinks he’s fine. 

He sits up slowly, black dots appearing all around his vision. He blinks them away. 

Now this is the hard part: standing up. Jaemin grips onto the edge of his nightstand for support. 

He pushes himself up from the mattress, pain immediately shooting through his knees and back. The dots return, and he feels dizzy.

Jaemin closes his eyes, inhaling a deep breath. He wants this feeling to subside so badly. 

His entire body feels like brittle. 

He finally takes a step, ignoring how much it hurts. He really wants to go back to bed.

Jaemin opens the door, cringing at the creaky sound it makes. He trudges through the hallway, and finally makes it to the living room. 

“Good afternoon Jaemin.” Jeno greets him from the kitchen.

“Hi.” Jaemin mumbles back. For some reason, Jeno’s voice always puts him at ease. 

“I was just about to make lunch.” 

Oh. Jaemin really should of stayed in bed. 

“Don’t go anywhere, you’re eating with me.” Jeno continues, and Jaemin two pairs of toast pop out of the toaster.

He gulps. He wants to go back to his room. 

But he’s too weak and tired to run away this time. 

It doesn’t take long for Jeno to make two sandwiches. By the time Jaemin finally decides to sit down at the small dining table, there’s a plate of food placed in front of him. 

It’s a classic pb and j. 

Jeno digs in, already almost half way through his sandwich when he looks at Jaemin who hasn’t even touched his. His expression falters.

“Jaemin, you have to eat.” Jeno’s voice is soft, yet sad. There’s a worried look in his eyes, and Jaemin hates that he’s the cause of it.

“I know.” Jaemin’s voice is tight as he looks down at the food. Despite feeling empty all the time, his chest is heavy with guilt and shame. 

He knows he has to eat. He just can’t.

“If you can’t finish all of it, can you at least take a few bites?” Jeno asks in the gentlest way. 

Jaemin’s surprised that Jeno isn’t completely annoyed or done with him yet. He tries everyday, _everyday_ to get Jaemin to eat. Jaemin’s incompetent, locks himself in his room and ignores every call of his name. 

Jeno never yells at him. He’s so patient. He cares. 

Jaemin doesn’t deserve him. 

Jaemin inhales as he continues to stare at the food. 

He’ll try this time. His fingertips graze over the bread as he takes the sandwich into his shaky hands.

He hesitates when he takes a bite. It tastes like a regular old pb and j, just like the ones he use to have when he was a kid. 

Jeno smiles softly when Jaemin meets his eyes. He swallows, the food feeling like a slug as it makes its way down his esophagus. 

It’s bizarre how a human necessity has become foreign to him.

“Take another bite?” there’s no pressure in Jeno’s voice at all. 

Jaemin lets out a shaky breath before he does. It’s not much different from the first bite.

The voice in his head isn’t happy about this. It tells Jaemin to stop, that he’s had enough. 

But Jeno keeps encouraging him to take another bite and smiles like the universe when he does. 

Jaemin has to fight hard against his mind. It takes all that he has in him (which isn’t very much) to just take a bite, to literally just eat.

He’s eaten half of the sandwich. He looks up at Jeno, who has finished his lunch long ago. 

“Good job.” Jeno’s face lights up as he reaches over the table to ruffle Jaemin’s thin hair. “Are you gonna eat anymore?”

Jaemin shakes his head.

“Okay.” Jeno takes the plate away from him. “We’ll try more later.” 

Jaemin nods. Jeno looks so happy. 

His stomach makes some sounds, not accustomed to having stuff in it. The voice is telling him it was too much, he can’t eat anymore after this.

Jaemin bites on his lip with guilt.

“What’s wrong?” 

Jeno’s voice catches him off guard, and Jaemin flinches a little. He’s been staring off into space, stuck in his own head again.

“I…” Jaemin can’t even get the words to come off his tongue. He only breathes in, and he doesn’t realize that tears are brimming his eyes.

“Jaemin? Jaemin, look at me.” Jeno’s bending down in front of his chair, forcing eye contact between them.

Jeno’s warm hands gently rest on his bony shoulders. 

“Jeno,” Jaemin’s voice comes out with a sob, and the tears start to fall. He’s shaking under Jeno’s touch, and though it’s warm, he feels like he’s freezing.

“It’s okay.” Jeno’s soft voice soothes him. Jaemin cries, _cries_ over eating half a sandwich.

“I know it’s hard not to worry,” Jeno starts, and Jaemin looks into his eyes with blurry vision. “But you did it. You ate. That’s an accomplishment.” 

Jaemin doesn’t think it’s an accomplishment. 

He shakes his head. “Jeno, it’s not, I failed.” he stutters out through his crying. 

“What? How have you failed?” Jeno tilts his head in confusion. His expression softens even more, Jaemin doesn’t even think it was possible for Jeno to be more caring than he already is. 

Jaemin sniffles. “I failed at starving myself.” 

The words are quiet, almost inaudible. Jaemin swears he can hear Jeno’s heart crack. 

“Oh Jaemin,” Jeno starts, and there’s definitely more hurt in his voice now. WIthout saying anything else, he pulls Jaemn into a hug, warm arms encircling his cold body. 

Jaemin buries his head into Jeno’s warm shoulder, the tears are still going. He brings his arms up a little, they rest at the sides of Jeno’s torso. He doesn’t have the energy to fully hug back.

Jeno pulls back, his face is close to Jaemin’s. “Don’t ever say that again.” his voice is on the brink of breaking, and fuck, Jeno’s about to cry too.

Jaemin hates that he made him cry.

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin squeaks out. “I’m sorry for being this way. I wish treatment wasn’t that expensive so I could just leave and you wouldn’t have to deal with me. I’m sorry for putting you through this.” 

“Jaemin,” Jeno’s warm hands are on his cheeks, and his head is gently tilted up. 

“I’m just trying to make sure you eat something everyday. I just want you to be, you know, better. You rarely smile, you rarely laugh, you’re rarely happy. I hate seeing you destroy yourself.” Jeno’s thumbs swipe over Jaemin’s sharp cheekbones, wiping some tears while at it. 

“But you have to try Jaemin. Show me that you want to get better. Show me that you want to be happy.” another tear rolls down Jeno’s cheek. 

“I promise I will.” Jaemin hopes this won’t be another empty promise. There’s been too many of those.

“Are you sure this time?” Jeno asks.

“Yes.” Jaemin nods his head a little, Jeno’s hands are still on his cheeks.

“Okay.” Jeno hesitates but still takes his word for it, his hands dropping from Jaemin’s face. Instead, his fingers entwine with Jaemin’s boney ones. “Let’s go watch some tv, yeah?”

Jaemin’s slowly lifted off the chair, Jeno supporting him the whole time. They go to the couch, hand in hand, and Jeno turns on some random show on netflix.

Jaemin leans against him, head resting on Jeno’s shoulder. He radiates so much body heat, the warmth that Jaemin despartely yearns for. 

“Thank you.” Jaemin whispers against Jeno’s neck as he snuggles closer. Jeno’s arm rests around his shoulders. 

“Of course.” Jeno’s lips are on his forehead for a brief second, not to mention they’re incredibly warm too. 

Jaemin likes feeling warm. 

**Author's Note:**

> please take care of yourselves!! stay healthy and safe everyone ♡


End file.
